Jus reached home from dinner with Sally and Yanwen.
*tIng wipes beads of sweat off her forehead.* What can i say? Its is definately the most awkward situation i've gotten myself into.
*sighs* Dinner with my boyfriend's ex-gf.
I cant face her.. I cant even look at her straight in the face without thinking about Sailor boy. I was staring at my food and the table!
*tIng slams her head against the table.* HOW ON EARTH DID I GET MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION?
There was nothing to talk about. Nothing. I cant bitch about my love life cause my love life happens to involve her ex-bf. Dinner was like this:
Complain about food.
Crack stupid joke.
More complaints about food.
More stupid jokes.
More and MORE complaints about food.
*tIng bangs her head against the wall repeatedly.*It was like there was a
PINK ELEPHANT in the room but we
CANT TALK ABOUT IT. We all know whats going on between me, Sailor boy and Sally. But we just avoided the topic. I cant bring it up. Neither did Sally bring it up. So we just pretended nothing was
WRONG. In fact, i've pretended nothing was wrong for the past few weeks. Despite constant nagging from Yanwen, Steph and Daphane, i simply put of the idea of telling Sally anything about Sailor boy and me. What can i say? I couldn't find my balls and i cringed at the idea of telling her.
And its fucking hell torturing me. Until today........
I'm begining to wonder how long i can carry on doing this.. Seriously having doubts about my current state of mind. If love makes a person crazy, i think i already am going out of my mind. As a matter of fact, i not only going out of my mind. I'm falling APART.
*tIng knocks herself with a hammer, breaking up into a million pieces.*I was close to the point of crumbling... After Sally and Yanwen took off seperately after our dinner, i tried hard to breathe again.
DEEP BREATHS..
DEEP BREATHS..
ONE.. TWO.. THREE..
I was almost sure that i was going to get one of those panic attacks again.. Those times when you suddenly start to panic for no apparent reasons. Feeling that you are under attack. I get those every once in a while.
*tIng tells herself: "Calm down...Its only psychological. Its all in your head only."* Sat at the kerb of the road for awhile before i managed to calm down enough to call mum to pick me up. And I made it home..
Home sweet home.
Home safe home.
Home.
Safe.
loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.
