Am watching this prog on tv now about this chinese movie called "Butterfly". Its about a married woman in her 30s who had to choose between her lesbian lover from her past and her family.

I think at some point of time, i was also confused. Coming from an all gals' school, i used to wonder if i was a lesbian. There was this gal from my class whom used to received lots of love letters from gals from other classes. I think its because she looked like a "he". Thats why she was so popular?! But anyway, till now, i do feel that the female's touch is much arousing than a male's touch. And the female body is DEFINATELY much more attractive than a male one.

But am i really a lesbian? Or am i just bisexual?! Is it normal to have sensual dreams about gals? I mean, i know for sure i would like to date guys and maybe (i said MAYBE) get married one day. I know what kind of wedding dress i want, where the wedding would be and etc. But its the "groom" part thats not very clear! Will it be a guy or gal? *shrugs* I don't know.

I would love to have a beach wedding and me and he/she would take our vows by the beach at sunset. The wedding dress would be a long white dress. But i would want a black princess dress as well during the photo shoot. There would be lots of fresh flowers all over and the scent they give off at night would be soo heavenly. *aWwW*

*tIng press BRAKE and snaps back to reality.*

Damm, what the hell was i talking about just now! I'm thinking too much again! *Yikes* Its true that every gal's dream is to find someone to love and spend the rest of their lives together. But am i really someone who will do it? Or will i get married for the sake of getting married?! (So that all the stupid relatives would shut their mouths up! But also not forgetting the amount of red packets and jewellery i'll get!) *grinz* Trust me, its gonna be ALOT.

But anyway, I think guys are really put off by the thought of going into a serious relationship. The idea of marriage would freak their little brains out. For instance, i've met someone and during one of the initial dates, i let him know for that i've thought about names of my children. (Yes.. I've thought of that.. If its a boy, his name will be Jerome and if its a gal, it would be Julie/Ashley), he'll most likely be so pressurised and feels the need to go into hiding. He'll spend the rest of his life on a tiny island somewhere far far away, surviving only on coconut juice and fish. Yupz.. *nods her head repeatedly* That's the extent he'll go in order to avoid me. *shrugs*

What to do? They can only rem 10 things at a time. *tsk tsk* Maybe thats why lesbian lovers are much better than male one?! They''ll most likely feel and think the same way about marriage as you. They would be very understanding towards your emotions and put up with your . (esp. during the time of the month) *considers*