I dunno how should i start this but i'll jus let my thoughts flow..

Ever since i started dating, there's one thing i've always be very sure about. I will not tolerant infidelity. But i have never thought that i would be be in this situation. The saddest thing to say is that the man that i really loved for a very long time had cheated on me. When i found out about it, i was heartbroken. At some point, i wished that he had just fucked her only. Why? Infidelity of the mind is worse than infidelity of the physical body. If he had told me it was just pure sexual urges, i would accept it. This is because having sex does not necessary involves feelings. You don't have to love that person in order to sleep with her.

But infidelity of the mind is another matter altogether. It means that you felt something for that person and wished to be together with her. It means that i was not the only one inside your heart. You loved her.

Everyone has the right to find their true love. Some people spent their whole lives looking for it. I thought i found my true love.

I forgave you once but you went back to look for her. Even though you insisted that it was nothing, i was still hurt. But i still forgave you, cause i knew i loved you. However, after getting back together, i've realised that i cant loved you the same way as i did before.

No longer can i trust you enough to give you the freedom that you need. No longer can i look at you without thinking whether you are lying to me. I don't want to be dependant on you anymore. I was forced to "grow up" all of a sudden.

Being with you in the past made me felt safe. I could always look for you when i was down, sick or just feeling upset. You always knew what to say and how to make me feel better. But its all wrong. I was relying on you too much that when i knew you had someone else, i fell apart.

Now, its all different. I don't want you to look after me all the time. I don't want you to be the only one i talk to about my problems. It's too risky to be emotionally dependant on one person. I need more people. People like frens.. People like Su ken, Huilin, Sally and Yanwen. I cant depend on you anymore.

I know i'm very difficult to handle nowadays. You feel that i'm screaming, yelling and venting my anger at you all the time. Yes, i know. But when i'm yelling at you, at least i'm talking to you. Would you rather i kept quiet and not answer you when you ask me what's wrong? I yell when i'm angry. That's the way i communicate. I know you don't like it when we fight. That's why your heart strayed.

Till this day, weeks had passed since it happened. I know i still cannot accept it. Its really not easy to overcome. Especially harder because of my insecurity had been enlarged a hundred times more than before. It's to a point to which it is deplorable.

I don't make a very good gf.

*tIng sighs and walks away.*

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.