Jus came back from Eastpoint.. went to meet kathy to trim eyebrows.. Its painful to pluck out each strand one by one.. But i guess pain is nothing new to me. Like I always say to everyone, "Pain makes you feel alive." It really does. Sometimes when i feel really cold and numb inside, i cant really feel anything else but pain. I've tried many ways to inflict pain on myself. My pierceings, my tattoo.. my pills swallowing habits, knocking my head against the wall, cutting my wrist, trying to get myself in an accident by standing in the middle of the expressway. I've tried many ways. One day, if i really become desperate, i think i'll try sticking my head in the mircowave oven. *considers*

Kathy and Su ken asked me why do i do all these when i know that they are dangerous. I guess its really more of a habit.. somewhere inside me has been hurt so badly that no amount physical pain matters anymore. Knocking my head against the wall is my way of trying to figure out all the questions i have inside my head. Sounds stupid rite?

I really have to admit i'm quite sick already. All the pills taking has damaged my stomach. Cant really eat all the things without wanting to throw up. What i can do now? Like my mum always say, "If anything spoil, jus cut lor". Cut my stomach? *considers* erm... i dun really think its really feasible. I still like it inside me...

Some people may think i'm cheerful, open, talkative and friendly. But this is only what they see on the surface. Inside me, there's a dark side too. Inside, its a person with really complex thoughts, someone that no one may ever understand. I dun even understand myself that much so dun assume that you understand me. Jus beacuse i'm predictable doesn't mean that you understand me. But one thing for sure, that person inside has a death wish. I'll continue trying all means to hurt myself.

loVe iS a deLuSiOn tHat OnE mAn dIffErs fRoM aNotHer.